Track 3: "Crush"

• IDEA: Funny story—I actually wrote this a year before IASwaPG was even thought of. “Crush” was actually written for an annual poetry writing event that took place every April on Instagram, called Escapril. (which btw was so fun, I hope it’s brought back one day 😢.) Each day in April had a different prompt, and on this particular day the prompt was—you guessed it—'crush.'

Now, considering I’ve already told you how especially hopeless of a hopeless romantic I am, this prompt was right up my alley. I could write a sonnet on an attractive man I saw in the bakery of Walmart for like five seconds, so just imagine what my brain is like when I’m really channeling my inner romance.

ls Crush about one person in particular? And if so, just who on Earth was I writing about like this—who so tugged on my heartstrings in this manner at the tender age of 21?

As if I would answer that. Even poets have limits (when we feel like it, of course, which is only when we need the shield of being vague). But I WILL say ☝🏼—the poem's purpose is to also serve as an homage to how I am when I do adore a person and I’ve fallen completely head over heels. It’s a very clear look at what it’s like to see a person through my eyes when they’ve become that one that makes everyone and everything in the room go quiet when the two of us lock eyes.

• WRITING PROCESS: Domino. Hands down. But as far as it not just remaining an Escapril poem and making the decision to actually put it into my first book… well, I have two primary reasons for doing that:

• 1. Hmm… because as hopeless as this romantic might be… it’s a side of me that’s not always on immediate display lol. Not because I’m actively trying to hide it, but because I’m not nearly as good at expressing the fullness of my feelings and emotions about a person verbally. You probably wouldn’t even guess that I’m this lovey-dovey if you’ve never read my writing and you just happened to observe me in person. 

  • Like: ask me to write a love letter, I could probably write like five pages; ask me to explain with words without a pen why I love a person—it’s like my brain chokes on its food or something. I’d probably barely manage to get three words out. Which leads me to my next reason…

• 2. So my future husband could have proof that I do indeed know how to express my feelings and that I’m just terrible at doing it with my actual voice. Sorry in advance if I completely screw up our wedding by tripping over my vows 500 times, you’re still great though <3.

Idk why—but outside of a pen, the best way I communicate feelings is with less words (a very sad irony). So in real life, me saying, “One look, and he’d become as natural to her as breathing,” would pretty much just look like me asking for another kiss after you just gave me like twenty lol. But uttering that line out loud? I’d probably have an easier time eating tree bark.

• MY FAVORITE LINES: 

  • I mean, duh:

“It was less of a feeling and more of a knowing, an instinct. 

One look, and he’d become as natural to her as breathing.”

• also duh:

 “His smile… made days pass as though they weren’t days at all,

but merely moments when the sun decided it needed to rest

from the sky and sit with her for a while.”

• AFTERMATH: Ooh. Great, but also like… “Is this really what I’m like when I've fallen for a person? The horror.” I was very much so initially horrified at how much of a cinnamon roll I am and how clearly it was revealed on paper. I was almost glad that I have detrimental issues saying such things with my actual mouth. (Almost🤏🏼 .)

That’s it for Track 3 🎬. And as much as I love Love, excuse me while I go watch IT or some other scary movie in my rolodex to cleanse my eyes and mind from all the butterflies and Cupid’s arrows in this one singular post.

I’ll see you very soon. xoxo 💋

IG: @joyyy_reads ✨